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No, no, that’s not how much they cost, it’s… well, read on

Desperate to lose a quick 50 pounds? Been trying to do so for years, but nothing has ever worked? Perhaps you might consider one of the two 50 Cent methods of weight reduction, named for the noted rapper who did just that, twice.

The first, which we will call the Preferable Method, was used recently by Mr. Cent to go from 214 pounds down to 160 in just nine weeks in order to play a football player dying of cancer in the upcoming “Things Fall Apart.” This method involved sticking religiously to a liquid diet and running on a treadmill for three hours each day, a regimen that may seem almost impossible to maintain, but which, in fact, you could if you were truly motivated.

The rapper also read articles and interviews recounting how other actors had experienced and dealt with drastic weight changes, such as Robert De Niro (for “Raging Bull”), Tom Hanks (for “Castaway”) and others. You could Google those items for moral support as well.

Of course, 50 was also motivated by the enormous sum of money and possible public acclaim he stood to receive if he lost the weight and made the movie. That’s probably not relevant to your situation, but you could always fantasize.

He has finished the film, incidentally, and is back up to around 198 pounds, which is a good thing because (1) he was downright gaunt looking at 160, and (2) he was probably getting tired of lame comments like “Gonna have to change your name to 35 Cent, man,” and witless “deflation” gags.

Oh yes, there is also the Unpreferable Method, which the rapper also “used,” in a sense, in 2000. It simply involves being shot in the jaw and being unable to eat any solid food for weeks on end while healing. The upside was he slimmed down to 157 pounds. The downside is fairly obvious.